UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX

Chicago, IL - A report today, from the University of Chicago, Illinois, reveals that society’s ugliest, those with absolutely no physically redeeming qualities, we mean those really horrific looking bastards who sometimes sit next to you on the bus and freak you out a little bit, are having sex just as much as the rest of us.
It seems that, contrary to public assumptions, beautiful people do not hold a monopoly of sex, and that many ugly people are regularly finding short to mid-term relationships.

Prof. Claire Spalding, head of the Department of Humanities at the University, claims that “Ugly people may not be as ultimately pathetic as you might imagine. We’re finding

that at least 50% of ugly people have sporadic, if almost certainly pathetic, sex.”

ALCOHOL

Alcohol plays a huge part, naturally; the report shows that almost two thirds of ugly-people sex is committed after the nightly closure of a bar or Nightclub, rarely before. “We see this quite often,” Spalding explains. “You have to remember that Ugly People rarely have much confidence, nor do they find many people want to be around them. This makes a place such as a Nightclub the perfect place for an unattractive person to find a mate, albeit temporarily. In all but the more exclusive venues, the rest of the population has no choice but to be surrounded by them, forcing them into a public setting. Here, they can almost pretend they have a life.”

Whilst this is obviously great news for a large portion of the population, particularly the overweight, it’s not all good. One of the main reasons why so many ‘aesthetically challenged’ are getting lucky, is in part down to the fact that they are simply attracting – or not repelling – other ugly people.
“There are few glass ceilings being broken,” admits Spalding. “Although, we are seeing some instances of the attractive ending up with the unattractive, usually this too is simply just alcohol-related, and the effects are naturally short-lived.

Rich

“The only real long-term prospect an ugly man has with a hot girl, is if he’s rich. And given that ugly people are quite often losers too, this is rare.”
When asked if the reverse was possible, if ugly women could ever marry an attractive man, Spalding replied: “No. Never. Men are typically the worst culprits for one-night stands with hideous looking women, but they lack the Gold digger gene that many women possess.”