New York, NY – The global economic recession, which since as early as 2007 has caused millions of people to lose their jobs, businesses and homes, and generally plunged the entire planet into a dark era of fear and depression, is no more.
According to a consortium of CEOs from some of the world’s leading banks, it was all just a big joke “on everybody in the world" and that "the banks have had loads of cash all along."
Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs group, and Gordon Gekko lookalike, has apparently found the whole thing very amusing. Speaking at a press conference where he and the other major banking leaders made the announcement, he said," You should have seen the look on all your faces," Then adopting a mocking tone: "Oh no! Boo-hoo, I have no money, I have no job... ha ha ha, fucking priceless. I spoke to Macky (John J. Mack CEO of Morgan Stanley) about how we'd break the news to you all. The press conference was his idea; I wanted to keep you guys hanging a little longer - see how far we could ride this pony. But oh man, it was so awesome."
JOB LOSSES
The recession that seemingly never was, said to have caused more than twenty million job losses and the complete capitulation of many nation's economies, is one of the worst financial crises of modern times. It was believed that it might be at least a decade before things would return to normal, and though now it won't take quite that long, Mr Blankfein said it would still take at least a year or two, maybe more. "Well it's not a case of just plugging everything back in and picking up from where we left off. With so many businesses going under, and with the amount of related suicides and ruined lives and all that, the world's infrastructure is in a bad way. We knew all along there'd be some collateral damage to this prank, but I gotta be honest, it was totally worth it," he said, high-fiving Mr Josef Ackermann, CEO of Deutsche Bank. "But we know the fun and games are over, and now is the time for recovery. We might even lend you guys some money," he added, winking, to the obvious delight of his counterparts.
STRINGENT CONTROL
According to a consortium of CEOs from some of the world’s leading banks, it was all just a big joke “on everybody in the world" and that "the banks have had loads of cash all along."
Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs group, and Gordon Gekko lookalike, has apparently found the whole thing very amusing. Speaking at a press conference where he and the other major banking leaders made the announcement, he said," You should have seen the look on all your faces," Then adopting a mocking tone: "Oh no! Boo-hoo, I have no money, I have no job... ha ha ha, fucking priceless. I spoke to Macky (John J. Mack CEO of Morgan Stanley) about how we'd break the news to you all. The press conference was his idea; I wanted to keep you guys hanging a little longer - see how far we could ride this pony. But oh man, it was so awesome."
JOB LOSSES
The recession that seemingly never was, said to have caused more than twenty million job losses and the complete capitulation of many nation's economies, is one of the worst financial crises of modern times. It was believed that it might be at least a decade before things would return to normal, and though now it won't take quite that long, Mr Blankfein said it would still take at least a year or two, maybe more. "Well it's not a case of just plugging everything back in and picking up from where we left off. With so many businesses going under, and with the amount of related suicides and ruined lives and all that, the world's infrastructure is in a bad way. We knew all along there'd be some collateral damage to this prank, but I gotta be honest, it was totally worth it," he said, high-fiving Mr Josef Ackermann, CEO of Deutsche Bank. "But we know the fun and games are over, and now is the time for recovery. We might even lend you guys some money," he added, winking, to the obvious delight of his counterparts.
STRINGENT CONTROL
When asked, if he believed that with the power that banks hold, they needed to show more responsibility, Blankfein quipped, "I don't really give a fuck – I'm rich."
Meanwhile, the world’s governments have been working on strategies to create more stringent control of banks’ monies, in case of future such practical jokes. When asked about this, Mr Blankfein’s response was, “Meh!” Then he lit a cigar with a flaming hundred dollar bill.
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