OBAMA SAYS “FUCK IT, I’M GOING ON VACATION”

OBAMA: DON'T FUCK WITH HIM OR HE'LL SEND YOUR ASS TO GITMO TOO

Washington, D.C. – It has been reported that Barack Obama, the most iconic, inspirational, awe-inspiring Presidential Candidate of all time, and, well ... less-good actual President, has said "Fuck it, I'm going on vacation," during an on-air tirade at a Washington radio station. Obama, who had been on air to discuss his recent u-turns on certain policies, has been under considerable stress since his tenure as President began, almost four months ago. And the latest criticism of his decision to decide to un-decide to shut Guantanamo, plus the recent protests at Notre Dame University, Indiana, over his pro-choice stance in relation to abortion, have apparently pushed him over the edge, at least according to WTOP News Editor Richard Day. "He just lost it. One moment I was asking him if he believed his early promise as America's first great President of the 21st Century was in danger of being tarnished by indecision, and errors on policy, and the next minute he stood up, ripped off his microphone, and started thrashing the studio, yelling about how he'd send my ass to Guantanamo, and see how I liked it. It was surreal.

SCREAMING

"One of our guys tried to calm him down, but the secret service beat his ass ‘til he soiled himself. So we had no choice but let President Obama destroy everything he could get his hands on, all the while screaming threats about how he’d ‘send all [our] asses, and [our] children’s asses, and [our] children’s children’s asses to Gitmo’. After about twenty minutes he seemingly wore himself out, fell to the floor and just curled up in the corner sobbing for about an hour – an hour of intense, piteous sobbing. Then he suddenly just got up, said 'Fuck it, I'm going on vacation', and walked out,” said Day. “All of this went out live on air. Thank goodness our listenership is pretty much negligible."
The White house have yet to release a statement on Obama's comments, but it is believed that Obama will issue a full apology to WTOP, it's employees, and listeners – Alan and Steve – within the next day or two. It is still unconfirmed whether or not he has taken the promised vacation.
NewsDumpster.com caught up with close friend, and senior member of Barack Obama's campaign team, Bill Burton, to discuss possible causes of his apparent meltdown. "I think it's a simple case of 'burn-out'," said Burton. "Barack gave everything to the campaign, and never really saw past it." Barack Obama famously fought one of the most fiercely battled primary elections ever, to become the Democratic candidate for last year’s Presidential election. Almost immediately after which, he was immersed in an equally tight clash with the Republican contender John McCain, in what was known to be the costliest Presidential race ever. "So when he won, there was this real sense that the hard part was over," said Burton. "But that was just the interview.”

INAUSPICIOUS

It was, as Burton explains, an inauspicious start. “In his first seconds as President the whole fucking planet sees him fluff his lines, and then Kennedy does his scene-stealing shit at the inaugural dinner. I’m just thankful we managed to cover-up the whole Laura Bush boob-grabbing incident beforehand.”
When asked if things have improved for Obama in any way, Burton shakes his head. “No. he’s pretty much getting bullied in his own office by Hilary (Clinton) and Joe (Biden); they call him B.O. and do funny impressions of him. And they won’t sit with him at lunch. The man is under huge stress right now.” When asked by our reporter if the impressions are funny, Burton simply replied, “Fucking hilarious!”